Week 3 Wobbles

I'm working my way through a couple of mental hurdles at the moment, and I'm pretty impressed that I haven't tripped and landed face first yet. I have been using a heart rate monitor (HRM) since the 12WBT started to see my heart rate while exercising, as a guide to know when to kick things up a notch or when to back off and have some recovery time, but the big thing is to track those elusive calories burnt. The first 2 weeks, I was flying, I was working hard at the gym, enjoying it (unheard of, I've never exercised in my life), and was seeing some decent calories burnt at the end of the session. The calorie burn quickly became my little reward. I'd put in the effort and sweat and at the end of it I'd get a nice little number that was my virtual pat on the back for a job well done.

On Friday, I received a brand new Polar FT40 HRM and a signed note from Mish (it's now on my fridge...if a note from Michelle Bridges staring at me every time I open the fridge doesn't stop me, nothing will!). I was so excited, ripped it out of the box, set it up and was ready to go. Saturday is my big session of the week, I was aiming to burn double the amount of calories as I do on weekdays. I worked so hard at the gym, I pushed myself further than I ever have before, I had absolutely nothing left at the end of it. When I ended the session on the HRM, 595 calories was staring back at me. Huh? What the? Where's the rest?? I normally burn that in a normal length session. I figured I must have set it up wrong, got the strap in the wrong spot, all sorts of explanations sprung to mind.

Over the last 3 days I have tweaked, adjusted and worn that damn HRM strap in every position known. I've tucked it in under my bra, even though I was worried I'd never find it again, I've had it sitting low, high, loose, tight, yet it STILL is not showing me the numbers I want to see. I'm short, fat, and beyond unfit...why aren't I burning bigger numbers? Why is there such a huge difference between this HRM and the old one? The Polar is meant to be one of the most accurate HRMs on the market, so I am inclined to believe it is correct, yet the feelings of failure that have come with not being able to reach my daily calorie burn target has really knocked my confidence, something that I wasn't expecting.

The second hurdle I'm jumping at the moment is the numbers on the scales. I really worked hard this week, I stuck to the nutrition plan, stuck to my allowed calories, I worked out 6 days a week, and I lost 700grams. I know, I know, I know, any loss is a good loss, it's a marathon not a sprint, blah blah blah, but it still doesn't change the fact I was pretty pissed off! I felt like the reward was not fitting of the work that I had done.

I realised today that I had started obsessing over these numbers. I'd started obsessing over why the machine was wrong, over how many kilos or grams my 'lady cycle' could really effect me by, whether I'd be in for a big loss next week or not. But here I am now, telling myself...the machine is not wrong, it's most likely 100% right, and who cares about the scales when you can see collarbones forming under the surface and the semblance of a waist beginning to happen and you're enjoying exercise...GET OVER IT! If I keep doing what I'm doing, the weight has to come off eventually. Yes, I will struggle to meet my daily targets for the foreseeable future, but who cares, I'm exercising, I'm pushing myself and I'm doing the best I can do...which is more than I have ever done before.

The old me would have turned these things into excuses to give up. The new me did not consider giving up once, and took myself off to boxing class this morning :)

Kyles x